Yasashiku Koroshite, Boku no kokoro wo


"That’s right (I’m a gigilo), So what. It’s not like I lose anything (sleeping with people) so it’s okay".
"You do lose something because there is a limit to the number of times you can have sex in one’s life ignoring individual differences for now. As such, it’s better to have as much sex you can enjoy as possible." (P. 26)

He is an orphan whose only weapon in this world is his beautiful face. He is smart and courageous, strong and deadly. He is Kanzaki Nao. They met on the street soon after Nao was stabbed by his former lover Oogaki. The man who appeared before Nao when he was struggling to live with all his strength was Murou Ryouichi. He was not the average salaryman because he didn’t even raise an eyebrow when he saw Nao’s wound. Nao asked for help but the man did not help him right away for nothing. Although he said Nao’s beautiful face would lose half of the value if he would kiss him right away, he still demanded a kiss from Nao as the price for helping him. They kissed and not long after, Nao collapsed. When he woke up again, he found himself in a clinic. His wound was already well bandaged and the doctor who took care of him was Odagiri Yuuya. Odagiri is beautiful even behind those glasses that seem to see through everything. Odagiri then told Nao that though he bled quite profusely, his wound was not deep and they should heal in a fortnight. Odagiri then asked Nao for his insurance card. When he learned Nao did not have insurance, he was troubled as he was not running a free service. In fact, he was not in the regular health system for he really was a yakuza doctor. He obtained medicine through special channels and that’s why attending that wound would cost Nao 1.5 million yen. Naturally, Nao could not afford the bill and he could think of nothing else but escaping from the clinic. That seemed impossible too as it was controlled by the yakuza and since they knew that beautiful face, they would easily find and murder him. It was then when Murou, who never came to visit Nao during the time when he was recovering at the clinic came and offered Nao a deal. If Nao would work for him for two months, he would pay for Nao’s medical bill. The work was simple. All Nao had to do was to become the friend of Ichinose Sui, the older son of the Ichinose gumi. He was born an invalid and had to stay in bed all the time. Hence the inheritence of Ichinose gumi was left to his younger twin brother (Ichinose Hibiki). Nao agreed and created an agreement that he would owe Murou nothing should he complete the work. In the meantime, he would live in Murou’s apartment but Murou made it clear that he was not interested in kids like Nao and so for the first time in his life, Nao got to work without using his BODY.

When Nao met Sui for the first time, he found a quiet, weak but elegant young man whose image would be 10,000 miles away from the word "yakuza". Contrary to Sui, his overprotective brother Hibiki was strong, wild, and charismatic. When it’s about Sui, Hibiki would become very anxious and he would not let anyone hurt his brother in anyway. Nao therefore not only had to win over Sui’s trust (which he soon did) but also Hibiki’s and that’s the hard part. As Nao stayed with Sui, he started to learn more about the Ichinose family and the relationships within the Ichinose gumi. Basically, Hibiki was the prime candidate to take over Ichinose gumi in the future. However, Hibiki was young and the person who helped his father to govern the gumi was the leader Akutsu. After Akutsu, the third candidate was Hibiki and Sui’s childhood friend Murou. Murou was an orphan too as his parents left him and he was picked up and raised by the old Ichinose to assist his sons in the future. While Hibiki was charismatic but fierce, Murou was more controlled and mature. Things seemed to sail smoothly until one day, when Nao asked Sui what he wanted to do on Christmas Eve, Sui said he would like to meet a person. He saved him once on the streets and since then they exchanged mails through cell phone and the man would lend him DVDs and books. Unfortunately that person was busy and so it was hard to meet him. Nao asked Sui who the person was and Sui said Tachibana, a policeman who dealt with juvenile delinquents. This shocked Nao to death because Tachibana was the police officer who kept an eye on him and gave him counselling not long ago when he was a minor selling himself. Tachibana was the typical nice guy but hot-blooded hero, the type Nao hated the most. Still, since Sui really wanted to meet Tachibana (and obviously would not be able to do it openly as he was from a yakuza family and Tachibana was a police), Nao decided to help Sui fulfill his wish but both Murou and Odagiri smelt something fishy about Nao and so they kept an eye on Nao. Naturally things did not go as Nao and Sui wanted because (a) Hibiki found out and nearly killed Nao on the first try ^^;; (b) on the second attempt Tachibana was shocked to find out Sui was from a yakuza family, and (b) on Christmas eve, someone tried to kill Sui. Luckily, Murou was with Sui at the moment and protected him. However, he got injured instead and when Sui called Nao to tell him about Murou’s injury, Nao paniced and rushed to Murou and Sui’s place. At that time, something changed and Nao knew what changed – his heart. For the first time, he realized he was in love. That night, Odagiri invited Murou and Nao to the Christmas eve party but they did not go. Instead, Murou asked Nao to go into his room (for the first time since the two had been living together) and there, Murou gave Nao a Christmas present – which was a lovely coat as the weather was getting cold. Nao was touched by the action and he spoke out what was in his heart and on his mind – the fact that he loved Murou. That night, for the first time in his life, Nao slept not for money but for love.

That was the only time the two got so close to each other. When they woke up, things quickly returned to the old equilibrium. As usual, Murou was busy and since Sui got a fever after the failed date with Tachibana, Nao did not have to spend time with Sui. So he went to find Odagiri, who seemed to know all about Murou and Nao’s relationship as he had eyes that could peep right into people’s hearts (laugh). Since Nao agreed to work and he couldn’t because Sui was ill, he decided to work for Odagiri instead. Odagiri himself was a mystery as he obviously was a brilliant doctor but with his skills, he never got a medical license. Why did he never get a license? Why would he choose to work for yakuza instead of normal people? These were all puzzling but Nao did not have a chance to find answers to these questions. When he visited Sui who seemed to feel better, he still wanted to help Sui. Last time, the date between Sui and Tachibana did not go well because of the shooting incident and the sudden revelation. In fact, they left so suddenly that his cell phone got switched with Tachibana (and because of that, he was using Murou’s cellphone for the time being). Tachibana wanted to exchange back the cell phone and Nao also wanted to seize this opportunity to allow Sui and Tachibana to meet and talk again. He knew Sui’s feelings for Tachibana were real and he wanted to grant Sui’s wish to be with Tachibana. He arranged to meet Tachibana on New Year’s Eve to exchange the cell phone. Unfortunately, Nao did not know that on New Year’s day, the new leader to Ichinose gumi would be selected. Consequently, when he was on his way with Sui to meet Tachibana, they were kidnapped!! Luckily, Nao knew where they were imprisoned because he used to visit deserted facilities with his former client Oogaki. When the two were thrown into the empty warehouse, they were lucky that the cellphone was near and they managed to reach Odagiri to let him know their location. Odagiri drugged Hibiki as he knew he would lose self-control since Sui was kidnapped and they could not afford to let Hibiki be in danger. Murou then went with the anxious Tachibana who was worried as Sui did not show up at the time at the place they agreed on. While Murou and Tachibana were on their way, it was getting cold and the guards were frustrated at Nao and Sui and so they wanted to use violence but Nao protected Sui all through. Finally, Murou and Tachibana showed up and rescued Nao and Sui. They also arrested Akutsu who plotted the kidnapping of Sui in order to threaten Hibiki to drop out from the competition to be the kumi’s leader. Soon after Murou rescued Nao, the latter was upset because he dirtied the coat which Murou just gave him as a present. Murou said it was okay and he would buy as many more as Nao wished in the future.

When it was all over, Murou told Nao he could leave the next day. Nao said he only worked for a month instead of the two months they originally agreed on. Murou said since Sui now had Tachibana, Nao was not necessary anymore. Nao was upset because he just found a "home" where he could return to. Even though he knew this home would simply be a short dream, it still hurt him to come to terms that the dream had arrived at an end and he had to wake up to go back to his original world. He then told Murou that he had just one more favor to ask – he wanted to sleep with Murou once more so that even if they should never meet again in the future, at least he would not forget Murou’s warmth. Murou agreed and when it was morning, Nao left quietly before Murou woke up. When he was thinking about what to do to make a living now that his only weapon (his face) was slighty scarred from the injuries he incurred while protecting Sui, he met Oogaki again. However, Oogaki was not dangerous anymore. Instead he was glad that Nao survived his stabbing and he wanted to apologize to Nao. Nao forgave Oogaki and when the latter left, he was shocked to hear Murou’s voice from behind. Murou asked why Nao left secretly and Nao was puzzled at the question because all the transactions between the two had been settled and there was no reason for Murou to look for him again. Murou however told Nao that not "everything" had been settled. He still had a promise to Nao that he did not fulfill yet – the promise that he would buy as many coats in the future as Nao needed. Murou then confessed that he did not want Nao to be by his side because the sole purpose of his life was to protect and support Hibiki to become the leader of the Ichinose Gumi. However, since he met Nao, things all changed and he found a new meaning in his life. At the same time, he was also worried that he would hurt Nao because in just one month, Nao already got injured twice. Nao was very delighted to hear the confession from Murou (alas) and he took the responsibility of waking Murou up so early 🙂 and the two returned to bed so that the wish could be filled.

What’s the wish?
… Please kill my heart gently…


2 responses »

  1. Hoho, I really do enjoy your reviews. The synopsis is so detailed that I feel as if I had read the novel myself!

    Just wondering: You didn’t mention much of it, but did Sui and Tachibana get their own H scene? (I reckon I’m a fan of Tachibana/Sui just because Tachibana’s a cop XD)

    Oh, and how is Kannagi-sensei’s writing style? Easy to understand? Complicated? Very organized? I’m planning to buy her ‘Sono yubi dake ga shitteiru’ series someday so I’ve been checking out reviews on her books.

  2. Thanks for reading my review! 😳 Hmmm… Sui and Tachibana didn’t get an H scene in this novel…the two actually are 10,000 miles from H 🙄 and I’m not sure if Tachibana would LIVE till the day he could sleep with Sui simply because Hibiki would have killed him WAY before he came even close 😀 … but of course Sui is not dumb and he may find a way… like soliciting Odagiri’s help 😆 Tachibana is VERY CUTE… like a doggy :mrgreen: and Sui is beautiful and gentle. I like that pair too… but then I wish Sui were a girl.

    Kannagi sensei’s writing style, it’s quite good 😛 but it took a while to get used to though because she’s so CLEVER with her dialogues. Tiny little things can have future references :razz:. Her language is not complex so I don’t need to look up words in dictionary as often as I need for other authors. I’m not sure about her Sono Yubi Dakke series because the plot in that one is more straightforward whereas this one, it’s more complicated.

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